Ed Rabbit and the Rose Bush
by patheticnemesis
Summary: A typical Elric and Rockbell gathering, in which Ed becomes intimately acquainted with the flora. As if it could be anything other than chaotic! Something for the Easter holiday.


_Disclaimer: Arakawa owns._

**Just something for the holiday and because - well, Elrics. I need no other reason. Sort of inspired by a previous experience, and a friend at work who had to do exactly this for the kiddles today.**

...

_When the hell did I agree to this?_

No matter how objectively he looked at this situation, Ed for the life of him could not figure out how he'd gone from making a pot of tea to sweltering in a bunny suit while Winry's herd of delinquent children circled him with screeching cackles of glee.

It might be the Easter weekend, but the only thing he'd been planning to do was sleep – a blessed occurrence which had been rare the past few weeks – and maybe drink hot chocolate (milk-less of course) with Al on the couch, or read a few interesting books. This holiday was a time for relaxation, as far as he was concerned.

So when Winry and her husband had appeared on the doorstep unexpectedly with vast quantities of chocolate (which was welcome) and said delinquents (which was not), he hadn't been particularly pleased.

Al, on the other hand, had been delighted.

And _he _had predictably caved. Al's smiles were lethal, which his brother very well knew and used to his advantage. There was just no way Ed could deny his little brother when his eyes lit up like that, even at the cost of his dignity – or what dignity he still had. Roy never hesitated to remind him how "whipped" Al allegedly had him.

Even so, dressing in a _lined _suit and trying not to bolt whilst shrieking children pulled on his "tail" was pushing it. It was highly emasculating, and if he wasn't in a stable stance, the little buggers would pull the pants down; and him along with them. He also had a sneaking suspicion that whoever designed these monstrosities was a sadist. He was fucking c_ooking _in this thing_._

Nevertheless, with Winry and Al watching on, he sucked it up and endured, trying not to flinch when small hands pulled him in every direction and snatched chocolate eggs from the basket that had been thrust at him.

Honestly, he didn't think the rugrats needed any more energy than they already had – but Winry had insisted. And after all, she was the one who'd have to attempt the task of getting them to bed later on. Knowing her, the process probably involved flying wrenches.

Preoccupied as he was, Ed almost missed the moment when Al produced a camera and a calculating expression. It would have been better for his nerves if he _had _remained ignorant – as it was, he began to feel decidedly paranoid. Nothing good ever came of such a look on his supposedly innocent (_hah!_) brother's face. Hyperventilation was thus an understandable reaction when after whispering to Winry for a moment she donned the exact same sly mien.

_Crap._

The brats had ceased testing his stability, but Miles, Winry's youngest boy and previously Ed's favourite of the bunch, was staring determinedly at the feet of the costume – and one glance at the kid's appraising eyes had Ed more nervous than the numerous times he'd faced off with Izumi. Meg and Urey, two of the most hyperactive children he'd ever had the displeasure of meeting were running and chasing each other respectively, chocolate eggs clutched in Urey's fists. If Meg even managed to wrestle the sweets from her brother, they'd probably be squashed into oblivion.

At this point, he was really starting to question his own masochism. No sane individual would put up with this horror. But he was an _Elric _and that meant running was not an option. Stubbornness was a birth right.

The beginnings of a headache were starting to twinge behind Ed's temple as the noise grew progressively louder and the looks on Al's and Winry's faces morphed into wicked grins. The sweat dripping into his eyes made seeing somewhat difficult, and as there was no means of wiping it away, he had to resort to dementedly squinting to clear his vision. Unsurprisingly, it didn't work.

Perhaps also unsurprisingly was what happened next. One moment Ed was standing, blearily aware that Winry and Al were advancing with the camera and those bloody grins – the next a little body had weaved between his legs just as he took a step backwards with the intention of protesting (Elric courage be _damned_, this was about survival) - and two blurs were suddenly behind him.

Sidestepping he managed to miss Meg and Urey, who didn't seem aware that they'd narrowly avoided death by falling rabbit, but then found himself tripping over the ridiculously large feet of the costume. Inevitably, he dropped – right into the centre of a rose bush.

In the second of silence that followed, Winry and Al stared at him slack-jawed, Meg crashed into Urey as he stopped to see what the commotion was, and Miles quickly stole the basket of eggs before legging it towards the back of the house with his prize.

It took a moment for the situation to sink in for Ed, enough time for Meg to start bawling and Al to start giggling – and then it registered where he'd landed.

All hell promptly broke loose.

_xxx_

Three hours later and Al was still sporadically chuckling. Ed was finally sprawled across the couch on his stomach with his hot chocolate and book, feeling the residual sting of a dozen thorns that had been removed from his poor backside and utterly mortified. He supposed he didn't help himself with the way his face screwed up when he moved too fast and his skin smarted. You'd think wearing a suit the thickness of a sponge would prevent such an injury – but _no,_ those roses had to ironically have barbs that were a fucking foot long.

Winry had thankfully left after Ed's painful tumble – though not before laughing herself sick at the whole thing whilst the children looked on (Meg still sniffling) and her husband stood bewildered, having missed the entire fiasco. Miles had apparently eaten all the chocolate, because the basket had been found empty and sitting innocuously on the kitchen table. Despite his predicament being his fault, Ed was impressed with the kid's ingenuity – it was definitely something he himself would have done at that age.

The entire day had been nothing short of a catastrophe. Of course, he hadn't really expected anything less when he'd heard the familiar noise of the Rockbell's car pull up in the driveway. Disaster was unavoidable when that family came to visit.

Still, Ed thought, after all was said and done it had been worth the pain and humiliation. You did things like this for family, without a second thought, and Ed knew he and Al were beyond lucky after everything they'd been through to be able to do such silly things.

But mostly, Ed knew he would do it all again purely to hear Al's laughter. He would do absolutely anything for that beautiful sound, like he'd do anything for those brilliant smiles – even if "anything" did include a few mutant thorns up the bum or a torture device disguised as a bunny costume.

He really didn't mind being a pushover, after all – not when it came to Al.

...

**Fluffy ending, bah. Happy Easter!**


End file.
